woolcovered

Irony has always been a source of great amusement to me. For example, I can't help but smile when I type the starting of this entry, as what I'm about to talk about is in firm contradiction to my current status. As I sit here at 5 a.m. on a Satuday night (Sunday morning?), probably still awake as a result of the junk-food I binged on earlier in the evening, I'm preparing to talk about how I'm working towards a healthier lifestyle.

See, until tonight, I'd actually been pretty good. Its largely been a case of falling into old habits on the lazy weekend. I've mentioned a little bit about self-improvement in the blog of late, but I haven't really talked about what lead me to do this, because like most things in my life, it was an excessively cerebral experience (I've been a bit overanalytic lately). So, let me tell a little story (it would be a good idea to get settled now, this could be a little long)...

It all started about a month ago I'd say. I was sitting in Hammond, looking forward to the year to come, the move, and everything. But then I realized I was really scared. I mean, what was I thinking? I'm about to move to a new city, sign into a twelve-month lease to go study a program I'm not even sure I want to pursue as a career. It's my third move in as many years (fifth if you count the four-month stops in Guelph, but I don't), my third time I'm going to have to go out and meet new people without anybody's help. I had visions of Mary Tyler Moore spinning around while "You're gonna make it after all" (only in my head it was "on your own" 'cause I didn't know the words. Same idea really.) So anyway, what followed was actually a fairly lonely month as well, as my work schedule lead to a rather solitary existence (save for seeing Colleen whenever I could).

But, a few weeks after I started to get this anxiety (in more traditional sense of the term, excitement and fear mixed together quite equally), I started to come down with the same old sickness that has revisited my body every once in awhile over the past year of my life. As I mentioned in the entries at the time, this caught me as quite a surprise. It was around then that I started to wonder about how I was living my life. I was pretty much always tired, I had been drinking more (for a string of almost every weekend this summer for a little while, a first for me), I had put on some of the weight back on I had lost last August. My physical job wasn't really enough to condition me, and I had no real sports on the horizon because I can't play hockey this year (it'll be the first full year since way before moving to Ontario in my pre-teens). So, in a lot of ways, things were starting to look a little bleak for the coming year.

However, in this challenge I also started to see an opportunity. Although I am getting a little help from my parents (rent and hopefully some food money), I'm on my own for my day-to-day life. I had the option to look into the mealplan, which in alot of ways would be the easy way out. I could be lazy, concentrate fully on school, and if I took all the cash out in bulk the 'rents would probably pay for it all upfront. However, after looking at the actual selection of the cafeteria and talking to some folks about it (namely Kelsie, one of the few people I was lucky enough to spend some quality time with in August) I realized that I should pursue more wholesome options.

So, when my mother took me out to shop this week, I made some bigger decisions. I bought all of the fruits, veggies, bread, and perishables I could get my hands on. I bought enough food to keep me fed, not buying too much else for fear that all of this fresh food would spoil if I was not eating it more or less exclusively. So, by the time I had the groceries I needed in the cart, there was no room (and I didn't want to mooch more money) to shell out for all of the frozen foods that used to be my staples. With my own small fridge, and a little organization, I decided I could keep an eye on everything and make sure it all gets eaten in time. The funny part is, I didn't even realize I'd shunned most of the more processed items until I was finished shopping. I knew I wanted to eat better, but didn't realize I'd been creative enough (as most of my food purchases used to be impulse buys) to actually think of enough stuff to fill up the cart; it was never a matter of saying "ixnay on the bad stuff!".

Now, around the time I was entering my last week of work, I finally got around to watching Supersize Me. See, I had joked with guys at work that this movie would continue to sit on my hard drive unwatched (as it had all summer), because the only time I watch movies on my computer is when I'm filling my face after work, and I knew it wouldn't be that appetizing to watch. But, one night I finished eating fairly soon and decided I'd worked up the nerve to finally see this. Now, I'd hate to say the film changed my life, but its defintely something that came to me at the right time. The combination of these feelings of lethargy along with my illness made for a rather compelling viewing experience. in the week since viewing the film, I haven't touched fast food of any sort. I don't think I'm going to drop it cold turkey, because I'm generally a fan of everything in moderation (and sometimes there just isn't time to eat right, unfortunately) but I do think its a cheap-quick-filling-addictive-processed-carb-rush I'm going to try and steer clear of when I can help it. On my first day back at school, I had a slice of pizza and half a bottle of pop and I decided then and there I was going to pack a lunch when I could help it.

Now, I haven't been perfect. When coming back for doctor's appointments and the like with my mother, I've been forced to eat 'out' and such. Also, leftovers got me through before I was able to fully shop (with no cash right away). But, the things I used to rely on (burger platters and the like) have been replaced by pitas and slightly more greeny meals. Tonight when Co and I went to dinner, I actually ate chicken, mashed potatoes and vegetables, something I never would've ordered from a restaurant a year ago. So, I figure if these little things are the liberties I take, I could be on the right track to improving my overall eating. I haven't decided if multivitamins are going to work into this equation to make sure I'm not missing anything vital, so I'm hoping to do a little research into that in the weeks to come with the few folks I know who've been 'using'.

But, the eating is not where I wanted to stop this. I've decided that I will also be sleeping better (remember I mentioned this was an ironic entry?), because my year in Waterloo was essentially a wild run of insomnia. Between work, school, hockey, socialization and a steady diet of video games and late-night television, the eight months not only flew by but I was caffeinated and strung out for their duration. Now, that being said, I had a lot of fun, and I don't regret any of the use of my time. I knew it was going to be a self-contained, eight-month stay, and I wanted to make the most of it. However, I just think I might be getting a little too old for my body to continue to be treated that way. I'm not over the hill, but I would like a shot at kicking this sickness once and for all (at least for a few years), and not getting any rest whatsoever will prohibit that.

I can already tell that this sort of school environment is going to be demanding in a whole new way. One of my profs said this week that we've spent all of university learning how to work alone, and now that we're here to learn how to work in the real world it becomes very important that we learn how to work on a team. This is obvious anyway given the interpersonal by nature of my chosen occupation, but large projects on tight deadlines basically mandate smooth teamworking skills. Now, I always stress team assignments - in my undergrad years, I always made sure I did them first, before my individual (often more valuable) assignments that I procrastinated horrendously for. This is because I never wanted anyone to suffer on account of me, and I didn't want the embarassment of being the loose link in the chain. As such, I know that I'm going to have to be 'on' this year for school, that I can't show up to class half the time, half-asleep, with several days worth of scruff on my face. Basically, I've got to 'show up' in the professional sense of the term. In many ways, I'm considering this a job, but one with lots of homework! Given that I generally don't wake up too gracefully, I figure the easiest way to do this is to make sure I'm going to bed at regular hours and getting up with time to spare.

Now, what about when I can't sleep? Well, that brings me to my next point. In order to help out my energy levels, to ensure that my body is regular for routine rest and then refueled for the next day, I've started working out again. This is very recent, as I got my student card Thursday afternoon, went to the gym Friday, then worked out at Colleen's earlier this afternoon with some freeweights (which I was a little lost with, so it was a bit less productive), but I'm trying to put myself on the right track to go five nights a week. The school gym, while fairly adaquate despite its small size, isn't open on weekends, so its going to put the onus on me to get out there during the week in the evenings. I also picked up some proper running shoes today, so now I can get some cardio, being it jogging, or running the treadmills during the week.

So, in a sense we've got a four-fold plan of self-improvement in motion as I work on my eating, sleeping, work ethic and exercise. Like the keener I am, I'm actually going to work on some schoolwork briefly before I go to bed as well and tomorrow morning. But, all this would be for naught if I could not keep it up. And, after this hour's worth of blabbing, if you are doubting my conviction at how wholeheartedly I plan to stick to this, I really don't blame you. However, I've made a fairly important decision: as I my winter tuition will not cap my line of credit (I thankfully cleared most of it off this summer, though I did take a hit with textbooks) I've decided that I will most likely not be working part-time in this term. I feel a little guilty about this, as this may require me to get a little more dependent on my parents than I already am, but I think this guilt will be a fairly good motivator. If I was working, I would have money to throw away on junk food, meals out, and various items of entertainment media that will just really waste time I should be trying to spend a little more productively. I figure if I'm really busy with my school-life-routine, the weeks will fly by and I won't spend nearly so much cash.

So in the end, I'm banking on the fact that I'm not really going to have a lot of spare time. In a sense, its a blessing of sorts that I really don't have anybody here in walking distance with which to socialize, because it will make me use my time well if I have to work to see people. The way I see if, if I want to get together with Colleen (or say, Ryan and Sarah this coming weekend for their housewarming party in Waterloo which I'm very excited about), I've got to make sure I've got all of my shit together before I can bother. Hanging out with Andrea tonight (whom I'm lucky if I see a handful of times a year) was actually a startling reminder of how much I've missed all of those I love. My family from high school, from Brantford, and even the few buds I managed to make in Waterloo have been lingering on my mind of late. In a lot of ways, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I probably won't see many people this year. This is a little depressing, but by the same token, it is inspiring to have something to work towards. This has made me wonder a bit on whether I'll start to drift away from some and get closer to others, but I think that sort of soul-searching would be best suited for its own entry. Dealing with one crossroads in my life is enough for this morning.

Anyway, I apologize for the length of this, but I've had a lot of time to think things through and this was a rather helpful way of sorting out my little headspace here. And like some friends who write such life goals in their blog, I'm hoping that this forum will encourage me to stick to my ethic should temptation arise.