woolcovered

Lately I've joked that job hunting has become my number-one hobby. I even went as far as saying my interest in obtaining a job out of school has bordered on obsessive. I think this may have actually concerned a classmate of mine, though the more I think about it, the more truth there may be to this statement.

I've never been good at dealing with life's bigger questions. At any given point in the day, I'm normally thinking about at least two things - on a good day, its the matter at hand, and one of these 'bigger questions'. On a bad day, its normally two or three of these 'big questions' and I'm completely lost in thought.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been having a lot of bad days. This wouldn't be a big deal, but it has detrimentally affected my academic performance. I'm troubled by the fact that I'm struggling to remember to get things done, when I've booked/moved meetings, and stuff like that. This has made me a pretty shitty group member to work with.

I think there's a few things to blame for this:

1) In September, I pledged I was going to make finding a job a priority once I returned to school for the Winter term.

I've been a bit obsessive about my goal-setting (and more importantly, goal-obtaining) ever since I started to try and make some changes in my life last fall. This means I tend to get irritable when things aren't going as I've planned, so other aspects of my life fail. Because I really want to attain this long-term goal, short term goals like group projects have been a bit harder to focus on. Things have kind of flipped since last year: coming down to my last term at Laurier, I was completely focused on my classes and ignoring most of the 'bigger' long-term issues like finding a job. This year, I'm so busy thinking about what I'm going to do once I'm done my classes, that I'm having trouble focusing on the work in said classes.

2) I'm paranoid of being a bum.

After talking to my sis a little while ago, I starting to think we have our upbringing to thank for this - my parents both, until very recently, would unload on us about their financial burdens as a way to guilt trip us out of asking for anything. Don't get me wrong, my folks have had some hard times. But growing up I've noticed that I'm far more in touch with my family's financial situation than my peers. This has made me a bit envious of my friends - I think I would've rather been in the dark on that one. So what does this have to do with anything? Well, it tends to amplify the importance of finding that first job and establishing financial stability.

3) I feel insecure about my degree and my experience.

This might sound silly, but I know very few folks who are actually working in fields/jobs related to their studies. Seeing so few classmates really apply what we've learned makes me seriously question the value of my education. When being surrounded by undergrad-age college students on campus, I've often wondered if I would recommend university to anyone around that age. I'm honestly not sure if I would. I actually thought B.A.'s were worthless on their own, which is I tried to take a major that involved some hands-on studio work. Unfortunately, that aspect of Comm Studies @ Laurier wasn't very fulfilling, but that's another matter altogether. Anyway, I'm doing postgrad to professionalize what is by all accounts a Humanities degree. My summer jobs have also been a bit near-sighted. While they have funded my education, they've contributed no relevant experience to my career of choice. I've volunteered a bit to compensate for this, doing some philanthropy as well as extra-curricular activities in undergrad. I'm hoping employers will put some value into that stuff, because I actually enjoyed and believed in all of the volunteer work I've done, and got genuine satisfaction out of my extra-curricular activities. I also learned a great deal from them, largely from making many mistakes along the way. If they do, my resume should suck a bit less.

Those three factors are just a few of the reasons why finding a job has become so important to me. Lately, another reason has emerged that is a bit comforting to me: I have a genuine excitement about working in public relations, so I've become a bit anxious to get 'out there'. Its definitely intimidating to consider how I may have an impact on someone's public perception, but I'm excited to try my best to do it right.

Anyway, in the meantime, I've gotta get my act together and keep my mind on school!